On days like today, the first line of Lauryn Hill’s Ex-Factor plays over and over and over again in my mind.

It could all be so simple; but you’d rather make it hard.
Ms Lauryn Hill

These are the days where it’s really hard doing two jobs…actually, let’s make that three to four jobs to keep things accurate. Today has been really intense on the ‘career job’ front. If I’m honest, I think it’s been this way for a while but today’s just one of those days when you keep looking at the clock and the work just doesn’t seem to end. You’re trying to meet a deadline because there are dependencies that are linked to you meeting this deadline. I’m the kind of person that if I say I’m going to do something for you by a certain time, I’m going give as much as I can to ensure I keep my word. So you work and you work and you work some more. You enjoy the work, but you’d rather not be doing it ultra – marathon style.

So today I didn’t have time to do any Mummy’s Muse work. I planned to do some, but by the time I was going to bed I thought, I can’t give any more today and still have to give tomorrow. This is when I heard the intro music and Auntie Lauryn started giving me the, ‘Yo, y-yo, yo, y-yo’

It could all be so simple; but you’d rather make it hard.
Ms Lauryn Hill

I understand this is a choice – it doesn’t make it any easier.

It’s hard enough having a career, but you’ve now given yourself this other thing that you need to give time to because you really want to build it. However, are you just making things hard? Couldn’t it just be simple? I then have this other job of being a mum where there’s really a lot at stake – two whole people! I need to rest in order to do that job properly because I don’t want to be the short, irritable version of myself with my girls. No thank you. It gets me thinking, ‘Is this the way to really do this?’ Attempting to balance and excel at these different jobs.

Oh wait! I then remember I’m someone’s whole Life Partner…haha. When you have days like this, you often give said Life Partner the rattiest, most frantic, most frail version of yourself. So often we both feel this way and we’ll get right to the brink of a fight (disclaimer: often develops into fight), and you’re thinking, ‘What is this even about?’ Deep down inside you realise the fight isn’t really to do with what you’re saying, it’s do to with how you’re feeling. It’s really about the fact that everything feels like it’s spinning a little too fast.

I think today was particularly hard for me as I heard of a good friend of some good friends of mine, that passed away suddenly in a tragic accident. What I found so disturbing about today is that the story hit me so hard – harder that I expected – but I was so disgusted with myself that because of the pressures of work, I didn’t have time to really sit back and grieve, think about it and take time out. But I couldn’t. I spiralled a bit into: ‘Oh capitalism!’ ‘Why do we do these things to ourselves?’ ‘Is any of this even important?’ ‘Why did Adam eat the apple?’ ‘Are we just chasing the wind?’

Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning

The way I deal with days like today is I remember, the day is going to finish. A new day will begin. One of my favourite verses in the bible says. ‘Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.’ That weeping – to me – can take many forms. It’s not always crying, it can be simply feeling weary, it can be a day like today. However, it doesn’t last forever. The feeling is not eternal. Joy and renewal does come and it comes in the morning. So I talk a lot about doing things one day at a time and taking things one step a time and looking for things to be grateful for, even in a day that was completely crazy, like today.

Things could be simple, they are not. But it doesn’t mean every day is going to be hard.
Yewande O

In the spirit of full disclosure, I recorded this as a voice note because I was so tired and couldn’t bring myself to write, but wanted to capture what I was feeling. I then typed it up the next day. I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was disciplined enough to pull myself together and write on a day like the one I described above.